(Noon. The next day. The Lower School. Twenty children are dressed in neat colonial school uniforms. BETSY enters from the outside and stands in the front of the room. The children clap mindlessly. BETSY is visibly and disproportionally terrified.)BETSY: Good morning children. Ms. White was kind enough to to - to ask me to speak to you today about my career, sewing... which is my career. So here I am. Ta-da! (Silence.) What I thought I would do is give you a little history of sewing so you can know more about it. It being sewing. So I threw together a quick little speech on the way over, so I won't leave anything out. Don't want to do that, right kids? (Silence.) Okay, so without any further ado: my speech that I wrote by myself on the way over here. It's about sewing.
(BETSY removes the speech from her pocket. She is extremely nervous and reads word for word from the tightly clutched pages in her hands. She rarely looks up and reads without emotion or meaning.)
"Sewing is the stitching of cloth, leather, furs, bark or other materials using needle and thread. Look up at the kids and warn them. Be careful kids when stitching bark that you do not say the word bark too often out loud or you might be mistaken for a dog. Take a moment to let this joke land and then if you feel comfortable, bark like a dog for added effect. Bark! Now you'll really have them."
CHILD: You're weird.
CHILD: Are you talking to us?
BETSY: "Sewing predates the weaving of cloth. Sewing is used primarily to produce clothing and household furnishings as curtains, bedclothes, upholstery, and table linens. It is also used for sails, bellows, skin boats, banners and other items shaped out of flexible materials such as canvas and leather. Betsy, take a minute here to look around the room and quietly point out three or four things that were made by sewing. You of all people will have no trouble locating them, so this is where you can really shine and get over any or all nerves. Once you've done this, say: Darn, lots of clothing and curtains in here, but no sails or bedclothes. I guess insert teacher's name here won't be allowing any naps on a boat anytime soon, now will we insert teacher's name again? Because if there were bedclothes and sails in here, that would be the only logical conclusion."
CHILD: You make little sense when you speak Ms. Ross
CHILD: At first you make sense for a bit when you talk about sewing, then you say some weird things to yourself and make stupid jokes that are not funny.
CHILD: And then she says more weird things...
MS. WHITE: Now kids. Let's give her a chance.
BETSY: (more nervous than ever) "Plain sewing is done for functional reasons: making or mending clothing or household linens. Fancy sewing is primarily decorative, including techniques such as shirring, smocking, embroidery, or quilting. Can you imagine if this was one big word shirrsmockembquilting? Who wants to come up to the front of the class and write that word on the board. Lots of children will raise their hands because children love silly words almost as much as they love silly challenges. Now say Whoa whoa children calm down. Since so many of you want to do this and because I am fair, we can all do it together."
(BETSY looks up. Not a single child is raising their hand. They sit cross-armed and are not pleased.)
MS. WHITE: Ben, go write that word on the board.
CHILD: No way, make Sarah do it.
CHILD: No way, it's not even a real word. We're not learning a thing.
"A sewing needle is a long slender object with a pointed tip. Pull out a needle Betsy and show the class. Hopefully you got my reminder note not to forget to bring a needle."
(BETSY searches her pockets; it's clear that she forgot the needle. Back to the page:)
"The first sewing needles were made of bone or wood. Now make yourself look a creepy monster and say to the kids: who wants to give me their bones so I can sew? Kids love monsters almost as much as they love silly words and challenges, so they will absolutely love this."
(Absolute silence.)
CHILD: Ms. White, I hear my mom calling. I need to run. I'll be back when Ms. Ross is done.
CHILD: And I promised my dad I'd stop by the butcher before he closes which is soon, so I too have to run. I'll be back right after Ms. Ross leaves.
CHILD: The five of us don't feel well. We're going to run to the alchemist.
CHILD: Make that six.
MS. WHITE: Run along kids. (clearly improvising:) The rest of you don't want to be late for that important meeting with the headmaster, so run along.
CHILD: What headmaster?
MS. WHITE: I said run along!
(The kids pack up their books and supplies. One by one they run past BETSY and then out the door:)
BETSY: "Yarn is a long continuous length of interlocked fibers, suitable for use in the production of textiles, sewing, crocheting, knitting, weaving, embroidery and ropemaking. That reminds me of that classic song: Yarn is a long continuous length of interlocked fibers, suitable for use in the production of textiles, sewing, crocheting, knitting, weaving, embroidery and ropemaking. Remember that one kids?"
(All the kids are gone. MS. WHITE stares at BETSY, then at the door. Then again at BETSY, then again at the door. MS. WHITE makes a b-line for the outside world. She is gone. BETSY stands alone. She's still very nervous. THE APPRENTICE comes running in to the schoolhouse.)
THE APPRENTICE: Betsy! All the kids were laughing and running down the road. They loved it! We're a success. I can't wait to tell Glen! Don't lose the original copy, it's going to be worth a lot once my writing career takes off.
(BETSY spots a candle. She pulls out a match and lights it. BETSY burns the speech. THE APPRENTICE stares in disbelief.)
THE APPRENTICE: Betsy!
BETSY: I am still your mentor and you still have a job at my tailor shop. Not!
(BETSY drops the lit papers and storms out of the room. THE APPRENTICE runs over to salvage her precious speech.)
SLOW FADE AND THEN BLACKOUT
