#31: LITTLE WHITE LIES

(Lights up. A long line of characters. They speak.)

SMALL BRITISH BOY: Little White Lies from History. Overheard, recorded, hidden away for centuries and now dramatized before your very eyes.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: "I cannot tell a lie. No president can. He that lies shall never take this office!"

BETSY ROSS: "Thirteen makes complete sense. Anything more is overkill. Twenty? Thirty? What's next, fifty?!?! Come on, no one is that power-hungry and manipulative that they need the whole continent. Besides, that land belongs to the natives. No one in a million years would - or could for that matter - ever take that land away from them. Ever. What are we just going to say "get out" and move 'em?? Silliness."

MARTHA WASHINGTON: "In my lifetime it will be done. I can see it as clear as daylight. Two words: flying cars!"

JOHN HANCOCK: "People will get over it. It's just a last name. Society is not as juvenile as we think them to be. They'll see past the cock as see the real me."

(BETSY AND MARTHA giggle.)

LITTLE BRITISH BOY: He said cock!

TIMOTHY MIFFLIN: "I will be remembered and not overshadowed by the likes of Franklin, Adams and the rest."

GEORGE WASHINGTON: You sure will, Tom! (MARTHA whispers in his ear.) Tim!

BENEDICT ARNOLD: "Switch sides? I would never."

WILLIAM LIVINGSTON: "As the first governor of this fine state, let be known: New Jersey will rise to great triumphs. Its natural wonders, pleasant smells and friendly people will be admired forever!"

GEORGE CLINTON: "As the first governor of this fine state, let be known: New York will lead by example. No elected official in the future of my fine state will ever use a prostitute again!"

WILLIAM EWEN: "As the first governor of this fine state, Georgia, let be known: of course I know what a buffer colony is!" (He takes out a nice pair of shoes and begins buffing.)

LITTLE BRITISH BOY: Get it? He's buffing shoes, thus implying he has misunderstood the meaning of the word "buffer" in context with the colonial history of his own state! Silliness abounds everywhere. Let's take a further look.

HENRY CLAY: "With full confidence, I promise that many fine academic institutions of our newborn nation - Harvard, Yale, and the likes - will be swallowed whole and eaten up by a certain scholastic juggernaut that is sure to surpass the others in reputation, endowment, and presitge within the next five to ten years. This rising gem will leave all others in the dust. The college that I am proud to call my home away from home: Kentucky's very own, Transylvania University!"

(To be continued...)