(An audience enters a theater. They sit down and open their programs. Inside, there is a note from the PLAYWRIGHT and nothing else.)"Dear Audience Member(s):
Penguins versus Baby Elephants.
I wrote this title as a space filler to make it look like I was going to write a play on Friday March 7th, 2008. The title represents a silly but ongoing debate that I've been having with two high school friends for a few years now. After I went out to dinner for chimichangas and over-priced margaritas with these good friends, I returned home with the intent to write a play about Betsy Ross. I had a title that I posted hours before, but no play and no plot. Perhaps I would flesh out Betsy's opinions on the penguin vs. elephant debate - or even better (!) put her on the newly formed board of directors of a colonial zoo that is debating which animals to collect for its inaugural zoo collection. Betsy would probably get mad at someone for no reason and release a tiger on his or her ass!
I could have, I could have, but I didn't.
Instead, I chose sleep. (gasp) I never wrote the play. I awoke refreshed on Sat. 3/8 determined to write the missing play and ready to write a new one, but I got lazy and am dealing with this whole mess today, Monday 3/10.
ALSO, I don't care what anyone says: a Baby Elephant would be a horrible and smelly choice for a pet. CLEARLY, if forced to domesticate, raise, and live with either a penguin or a baby elephant, a majority of the free world would side with me and choose the penguin. They may be flightless and dress in "mini-tuxedos" (two "great" "arguments" against me from my competition in this debate), but no, no, and not at all. Penguins would make awesome companions. Baby elephants have nothing to offer the world but poo and the harsh reality that they will inevitably grow up to become actual adult elephants. Anyone who thinks a pet baby elephant would act like Disney's Dumbo is dead wrong. Dead wrong.
What a horrible pet a baby elephant would be. Sorry Laura, you're just wrong.
- PLAYWRIGHT"
(The audience is confused about this note and worried about the PLAYWRIGHT; they wonder who the hell Laura is. Then they stop caring. Each member of the audience is distracted by some trivial and unrelated thought. Maybe yesterday's news or a sudden craving for a Twix bar. They exit the theater in turn. They throw their programs in the trash bins in the lobby. BETSY is hidden somewhere eating a chimichanga. We can't see her, but we know she's there.)
BLACKOUT
1 comment:
you're retarded.
elephants are wise, funny, intelligent creatures with whom you could share you life. penguins are just squawky birds with no personalities.
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