#27: A CONVERSATION WITH PAUL BUNYAN

(The upper branches of the tallest tree. The fingers of the giant right hand of PAUL BUNYAN are firmly wrapped around BETSY. PAUL places her onto a sturdy tree limb. A flock of birds flees the tree; this startles BETSY. PAUL BUNYAN squats and his giant face stares face-to-face with BETSY's. He speaks with a low, deflated voice.)

BETSY: Sorry about that. Where were we?

PAUL B: You were saying that you thought I was unqualified.

BETSY: Right.

PAUL B: Unsuited for this job.

BETSY: Yes, about that. We're looking for someone whose heart lies in the details of the craft. You're just so, well, forgive me: large.

PAUL B: You invited me here to have a conversation. I didn't think it was going to be an actual interview. I would have prepared!

BETSY: Forsight is the keystone of upholstery.

PAUL B: I threw together a resume while you were on the ground.

BETSY: I'll give it a look-see. Since you did make such a long trip down here. I suppose it won't hurt me.

PAUL B: Thank you.

(PAUL hands BETSY a huge piece of paper with ease. She struggles to hold it. Its weight and size overpower her and she topples down to a lower branch.)

BETSY: Ow!

PAUL B: Oopsies.

BETSY: No worries. It happens to everyone...

(BETSY stands up and examines the resume.)

BETSY: So Paul, care to explain to me how any of these "accomplishments" make you in any way qualified for this line of work?

PAUL B: Well, um. Inadvertently making ten thousand lakes was kinda cool. It taught me about nature I guess. And being a good team player and goal-setting. And recessing -

BETSY: Surpassing.

PAUL B: - those goals. Whatever.

BETSY: I think this about concludes our conversation.

PAUL B: Interview, just admit it!

BETSY: We come from different worlds.

PAUL B: I like plaid. That's upholstery right?

BETSY: Right... well, I don't wish to keep you from your buffalo.

PAUL B: Ox.

BETSY: Whatever.

PAUL B: I could be a huge asset to your business. A HUGE asset.

BETSY: This I know. You'll have to excuse me. I have another appointment.

PAUL B: I'm sure that regular-sized non-freak will be perfect for the job.

BETSY: Now, Paul -

PAUL B: Thanks for nothing!

(PAUL angrily walks the walk of a giant. He is gone. BETSY assesses her situation and begins to cautiously climb down the tree. A squirrel throws an acorn at her.)

BLACKOUT